#158

*HideousMonologue*


Mumsie|Me


"Kakak xde boyfriend?"

"Xde"

"Serius la"

"nmpak muka kakak main2 ke?"

"Xdela. xkn xde kenal2 ngan sape2?"

"kakak da syg someone tp ade org tu yg buat hal."

"hmmm.."

#157

*HideousMonologue*


Penat.
Rindu
Lemah
Stress


Bury them deep
Seal them tight
Struggle? serve you right

#152

*HideousMonologue

"The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness"


Thank you mak. I am so sorry. Truly deeply sorry.

Time will rectify all those things. Ya Allah. Please make ease. I am just your mere servants that seeking for your help. Amin ya rabbalalamin.

#151

*HideousMonologue*


First thing first. I miss mak. Yes I miss her so much. But I know how much she was frustrated and mad at me right now.. I kept blaming myself for what was happened. Deepest sorry from me to all of you.

It has been finalized. And I dont know how to explain to ayah n ibu. What should I do next? It is very disturbing me. Can I just disappear just like that? Or even going to someplace where nobody knows me and I can just live alone by myself. Or even worst, I want to completely vanish from this life. Lately, I have figure that I tend to run from my own problems. I hate to think what is the solutions for all of that. I hate to think what is the consequences that will occur. Yes, I am so coward to deal with it. I dont know how to handle them. I can try to solve others. But for mine? Sigh.. What is wrong with me? Even I dont have the right answer. I have nobody to share my probs anymore. Is it because of I dont have real friends? Or is it me who just dont wanna hear something that doesnt fit to my hearing. 

I am so sorry if the expectation is sucks. And as what I said, it kept playing in my mind. Hell yeah it is not what we're think of.

All in all, I do miss u and u kept appeared in my dreams. It made me so miserable when it ends up with some tears after woke up.

°Mistakes are made and my heart is sore. Our distance are grew and grew some more°

#150

*HideousMonologue*

P/s: I am so happy for u kak win. Baby Ammar, welcome to the world. kakak loves you. :) 

#149

*HideousMonologue*


I dont know what to do.
I dont know with whom I want to share.
All I know is, I want to cry and run away. 

But where can I go?
Everybody is changing.
Everybody is making things difficult.

I was hoping that something happen to me or even admitted because of something serious.
Yes, it is such a coward to run away from problems.

what should i do?

T_T

#147

*HideousMonologue*

T_T

Gap is wider now.....
Am I uncomprehended child?
How to act like I dont Care?
It will obviously shown.

Can I go anywhere else instead of home?

T_T

#146

*HideousMonologue*

After several wishes, alhmdulillah.

This baby is turning 26!!! huhuh. 26?? huhuh can't even accept it at the first time. Well, there is someone said to me that "Age is just a number" Okay! I will keep that saying. :p


I don't need with the celebrations or even the presents. It is just a simple but meaningful wish from someone that I care and love beside my family. Thank you. You know who you are.

Well, chin up lil baby. Face all those circumstances with open heart. You can do it baby!


p/s: It is January dude! T_T

#145

*HideousMonologue*


Woke up this morning with sad feeling because of the phone call. Life must go on!

Took a bath, get ready for work. Suddenly heard of children's crying and the great shouting from both daddy and child. What on earth have you been thinking, shouting early in the morning in front of others house?

Then daddy called mama and said "Pukul 7:30 ke 8:30 ni? hai. bengang betol. Ni anak awk buat hal plak xnk trun. Menyusahkan hidup je la"

To daddy, please be reasonable and muster all the patience when you are dealing with kids. Not all the kids are easy to handle. 

I was wondering. can my future other half has the patience to deal with kids? Ya Allah, I was afraid that I will get someone like this daddy this morning. Ya Allah, Please grant me to have someone who love kids and have a little patience with them. That's all I can ask for.


p/s: Can I sleep the whole day today?

#137

*HideousMonologue*

"It is hurt. But trying the very best to endure is the greatest effort we need to responsible with."

-Bad or Good?-

Is it bad or good for getting involved with the other company? Get along and doing things together is not a problem. But are you strong enough to bare with the future consequences? How I wish I can get everything that I want or planned accordingly. But I know that I can't do that. It might not in the fate that I was meant to be part of it, and it may be the opposite.

-Feelings?-

It was a lie if I  said that I don't feel anything. But still it is not that real good or strong feelings like before. I knew what was happened before, I knew I was never can be 'that' person. And yes, I can accept that. It is just that, the cares and love are still there. But by time goes by, I'll let them go. 

-Solution?-

Solution? Is there any solution at all? Can everything back to normal if I take the other act? Well, I have my own reason. It is not that I tried to impress other, but deep down inside of me I already care. Caring in terms of "Family Caring". I already being in love. love in terms of own mother. Please and please and please do not hate me because of that. I tried to avoid. But it seems it is not working at all. Why? Let it be our secret.

-Conclusion?-

All in all, I know that certain people are born with the caring and concern nature. I quote and rephrase, "Caring and concern habit did make people think wrongly" Yes it is. so after this I will be more careful. :)

#122

*HideousMonologue*

Xtaw nk refer kat sape. Insan ni je la yg ade dlm fikiran buat masa sekarang.

Ke nk mati ek??

#121

*HideousMonologue*


Settle all by today. Huhu may allah ease my next plan.

Iftar at dr rohaya's place today, and somehow or rather, i was pleased. She cooked many dishes and she tries to suits our tastebud. Thanks a lot dr. 

And lastly, today revealed everything. All those things that happened behind my back.
Thanks a lot. Know it all makes me know my place.

#114

*HideousMonologue*

"Kau ni mmg choice MILTB kat luar sane. But unfortunately kau bukan choice anak dyorg. Mak ak da suke da ngan kau. Naseb bek ak ckp kite bff since hingus meleleh darjah 1"

Damn azrie! Haha. Bengong kau. Kau ckp ngan mak kau mcm tu? Haha. Ak da explain da kat mak kau. Ala. Mase kite darjah 1 kn mak kau ade skali mase fes day ko teresak2 nanges tu..haha

"Vongoks kau teya. Boleh x jgn ingatkn ak pasal sejarah silam ak dulu. Seram weyh. Haha tp siyes weyh. Lau ak x tunang ag. Ak da pilih kau da.. haha ;p"

Woi bongok! Haha. X ingin ak ngan kau. Kamon la. Kite kawan da 18 thun kowt. Xyah nk poyo sgt la. Amal dngar mau kecik ati dy. Kau jgn ngade2 ye. Kau tu da nk kawen.. haha

"Ak gurau2 je. Kau jgn amik ati plak ye.. "

Ak bukan kaki sentap mcm kau..haha

"Chess.. haha. 1 pesanan ak. Sbelum kau nk amik ati MILTB kau tu. Make sure la kau da capture ati si anak. Xde la MILTB kau je yg lebih2 syg kau. HAHA"

=.=!

What a wreck advice from my old buddy. Am i like that? Haha. Well i dont think so. So just wait and we will see what happened. We dont know what will happened in future right? And for u my buddy, selamat pengantin baru..:)

Xoxo

#107

*HideousMonologue*


He came to me, saying his gratitude for bringing them jalan2, and out of sudden, he hugs me with all of his feelings and say "good night kak teya and assalamualaikum.." I was numb for a while. Yes! yesterday was a day that kids taught me a lot more things in life that i never realize of. Those pure mind thinking kids is one of the gems that i will treasure till last of my breathe. thanks sayang for making me realize that it is not an adult who always right~

Daril Maqeel

#106

*HideousMonologue*

Antara harapan org yg tersyg dan cita2 sendiri.

I try my best to fulfill both desire.

I'm trying so hard, and hoping for the best!

All is well, everything is gonna be alrite..

#105

*HideousMonologue*

#Watsons lover
#strawberry lover
#stubborn girl
#hate-to-read manuals girl
#vege lover
#hate those cheesy words
#family lover
#TuttiFruity lover
#horror + thriller movie fan
#kids lover
#proud student
#happy worker
#nice daughter *okay ni up diri sendiri ;p*

#103

*HideousMonologue*

Tough day today!

SMILE...Smile..sMiLe..smile.. SmIlE..

Remember! even ape org ckp. even sape yg masuk dlm family. you need to chin up ye teya!

=]

#102

*HideousMonologue*

Don't get me wrong, if I come and go like fashion

I might be great tomorrow, but hopeless yesterday

Don't get me wrong, if I fall in the mode of passion

It might be unbelievable, but let's not say so long

It might just be fantastic, don't get me wrong

=]

#101

*HideousMonologue*



The truth is, I already know it all.
you can imagine how frustrated I am,
you can imagine how hurt I am,
you can imagine how me tried to digest all just in one night,
you can imagine how I reacted towards those words that killing me inside one by one,
you can imagine how I face those moment knowing something that I didn't realize happened at all.
After certain period, I was realized. 
Life ain't something that always make us happy or pleased.
Our life is not meant to be painted with those colorful rainbow.
Our life is not meant to be always sweet and flawless.
Right now, I really can distinguished which one is the right one.
and started from that day, I already promised to myself.
I definitely will change. 
I'm the one who steer my own life.
no more deep thinking of what will happened in those unrealistic chapter of my so called dream.
Right now, i will be a very positive person.. :)

trust me, this time, what I've pledge, i will go for it.. 
thanks a lot. :)

20/01/14

1754

Bandar Baru Bangi

#87

*HideousMonologue*


awak da tue atteya azmi..

thanks to my girls, aina, mas, nani, ifa, k.nat, mira, n k.diah..

thanks to my sis mira and her bf merangkap my classmate, wan for the lovely present.. love both of u..

and last but not least, to ibu and ayah who i think really appreciate me as their only daughter.. love both of u..

well, for now need to attend this Linux thingy.. so please face it bravely ye cik teya~

mango mousse cake in the middle of Linux class.. =.=

Chin up, and smile,
everything is gonna be ok.. :)

well, pray for me guys.

<3 all of u..

xoxoxo,

T;

Published!

p/s: tringat smthing, but.. forget bout it la..~