#143

*HideousMonologue*



1 thing that I'm very sure is I don't deserve a good thing. Good things happen to a good person. But myself? Not a little pinch of it.

I wonder how great my life will be if I had made the right decision. So now, I need to bare with the consequences till the last breathe of mine.

"We Want the ones we can't have and we crap all over the one that we can. Rinse and repeat"~TIWILY

Those quote is relevant sometimes. it is actually true thing that we chase for something that doesn't even ours. But we neglect something that actually meant something to us. What the hell are you thinking? My mum once said to me that, "do not so into something or someone obsessively as one day you will end up hurt more. This is not the first time is it? You will have a tremendous heartache later if you do so."

See, life is not easy and it is damn complicated!

#142

*HideousMonologue*


Like seriously. lotsa thing happened. smpai 1 tahap rasa nak give up semua benda. give up on family, give up on you, give up on me, give up on that, and most huge thing is i want to give up my life!

is that bad? might be. so how to fix this? honestly speaking i don't know how.

Such a loser am i? well, deal with it!

#141

*HideousMonologue*



Rimas
Overstressed


Enough is enough. Jangan buat org lain terbeban dengan perangai kau!
Jangan salahkan org lain kalau kau sendiri kemudi jalan hidup kau begitu.

#140

*HideousMonologue*


ME | Dr. M


"This is the door gift from Mr Md. Nooh for all staffs Dr. you can have them if you want Dr."

"Yes2. I know it. I Came to his feast, but i didnt see you"

"Dr searching for me? wah, I'm touched. i cant make it dr. because i need to work on weekend"

"I see, so when will your time come?"

"what time dr?"

"Getting Marry la. what else"

"Err.. nobody wants me la dr. i'm still searching for someone to be my one"

"no..no..no.. dont ask from human. you must seek from Allah. he is the only one can grant what we wish for"

"err. yes indeed dr."

"my tips for you. when you perform your prayer. please do the sunnah also. qabliah and ba'dhiah. please do not fail to do so. except for after asr and before maghrib prayer. do every day. do that as your habit"

"it will make everything in ease dr?"

"yes of course! bcause we dont have to rely from others. before i met my husband, i did all this. alhmdulillah, after that everything is going fine."

"i see Dr. alhmdulillah. you have such an easy life"

"it is not that easy. you should try them. in shaa allah. you will have what you want. i always said to my husband that i dont really rely on him as i have allah. and he knew that"

"in shaa allah dr i will do them. thanks dr. pray for me ya."

"and you dont forget to ask and pray a lot to allah"

"in shaa allah dr. no worries. i will.. :)"

"and do not forget to invite me when the time has come.. :)"

"in shaa allah dr. i will *blushing*"

"Remember what I have told ya putri."

"Yes dr. i will never forget."



p/s: haish.. -.-

#139

*HideousMonologue*

Saje nk gtaw. Td mcm nmpk si Ex yg da kawen. Haha. Damn. Boleh lak u attend kursus tu.. Btw, bile mase u amik degree ek?

;p

#138

*HideousMonologue*


Your ex has been married. Kau bile lagi teya?

p/s: saje je nk ckp dy da kawen. ;p

#137

*HideousMonologue*

"It is hurt. But trying the very best to endure is the greatest effort we need to responsible with."

-Bad or Good?-

Is it bad or good for getting involved with the other company? Get along and doing things together is not a problem. But are you strong enough to bare with the future consequences? How I wish I can get everything that I want or planned accordingly. But I know that I can't do that. It might not in the fate that I was meant to be part of it, and it may be the opposite.

-Feelings?-

It was a lie if I  said that I don't feel anything. But still it is not that real good or strong feelings like before. I knew what was happened before, I knew I was never can be 'that' person. And yes, I can accept that. It is just that, the cares and love are still there. But by time goes by, I'll let them go. 

-Solution?-

Solution? Is there any solution at all? Can everything back to normal if I take the other act? Well, I have my own reason. It is not that I tried to impress other, but deep down inside of me I already care. Caring in terms of "Family Caring". I already being in love. love in terms of own mother. Please and please and please do not hate me because of that. I tried to avoid. But it seems it is not working at all. Why? Let it be our secret.

-Conclusion?-

All in all, I know that certain people are born with the caring and concern nature. I quote and rephrase, "Caring and concern habit did make people think wrongly" Yes it is. so after this I will be more careful. :)

#136

*HideousMonologue*

Kalau kau perempuan

Ayuh menjadi wanita sempurna!

Baik

pertama;

Kalau kau perempuan

Kau perlu cantik

Kulitmu harus gebu

putih dan anjal.

Jerawat?

Tidak!

kau tak dibenarkan tumbuh

walau sebiji

dan sekiranya itu yang terjadi

genderang peperangan;

harus dimulai.

Kedua,

Ya kau dilahir

untuk tarik perhatian lelaki

maka baju yang dipakai

harus

Ketat, padat dan sendat

hingga mampu menyesakkan nafas

tubuhmu harus

ditunjuki

barulah mereka ketahui

bahawa

inilah kecantikan asli

ketiga,

 Luaran adalah segala-galanya

kerana kita dinilai dari pandang yang pertama.

Maka

wajah harus sentiasa dioles warna

tak kisahlah hingga merosakkan muka

asal cantik

dipandang sentiasa.

Duit memang bukan segalanya

maka tak kisahlah

berapa nilainya

laburkan!

hingga satu sen pun tiada,

biar papa

walau kedana

kerana natijahnya

kau akan cantik

muda sentiasa

Keempat,

Ayuh besarkan mata yang ada

Palsukan segala tak sempurna

Kayakan industri cantik dunia

Percayakan kata mereka

wajahmu tak cukup indah di arus masa

ini pelentik mata ajaib

guna hanya satu hari 

maka lentik seinci

Apa

Tak cukup tinggi?

nah, ini alat peninggi palsu

sarungkan pada dua belah kakimu

Sakit?

Tak selesa?

Tahan, sedikit sahaja

apalah nak diukur dengan nilai 'like'

yang diterima

Pujian adalah kayu ukur paling utama

tiga bintang

lima bintang

semakin banyak diterima

semakin tinggi nilaian kita

Cantik;

Hipotesis;

Kitab apa kau guna?

Kawasaki

6/5/14

Nazuha Lee

"Aku tidak menciptakan jin dan manusia melainkan agar mereka beribadah kepada-Ku."

(Qs. 51 : 56)

"Ketahuilah, di dalam tubuh itu ada segumpal daging. Bila ia baik maka baik pulalah seluruh tubuh. Dan apabila ia rusak maka rusak pulalah seluruh tubuh. Ketahuilah itu adalah hati.

(HR Bukhari dan Muslim)

~Nazuha Lee~

#135

*HideousMonologue*


Lucky i'm in love with my bestfriend
Lucky to have been where i have been
Lucky to be coming home again.

These reminds me of those memories while in 2 years of matriculation. Well, if you just say something before we apart, i can imagine what we were right now. Take care friend.

#134

*HideousMonologue*

Tentang Seseorang

ku berlari kehutan kemudian ku menyanyi

ku berlari kepantai kemudian ku teriak

sunyi, sunyi dan sendiri

aku benci

aku ingin hingar

aku mau di pasar

bosan aku dengan penat

dan enyah saja kau pekat

seperti berjelaga

jika kusendiri

pecahkan saja gelasnya

biar ramai

biar mengaduh sampai gaduh

ah…ada malaikat menyulam

jaring laba – laba belang

di tembok keraton putih

kenapa tak goyangkan saja loncengnya

biar terdera

atau aku harus lari kehutan

belok kepantai

Bosan aku dengan penat

Dan nyah saja kau pekat

Seperti berjelaga jika

Ku sendiri

#133

*HideousMonologue*

Janji.
Janji untuk ditepati.
Bukan untuk dimungkiri.

I will keep my promise no matter how. No worries. We are friends forever. Not much. 

But thanks for all the acceptance and all love that flow over me. Really appreciate that. Nice people like all of you will get the bestest person. In shaa allah.

Thanks for everything. ♡♡

#132

*HideousMonologue*


Bismillahirrahmanirrahim..

Started to think and arrange my timetable for this coming semester. I cannot play around if I want to graduate in 2 years only.

For next semester I will be taking total 12 credit hours including the compulsory and elective courses. It is quite tough, but I will try to make it through.

These are subjects that I will drowned with for the whole semester. *tgok tajuk pon da gerun.. huuh* You can do it atteya!

Roughly, my timetable are stated as below. Tried to clear on Friday night, but it seems I cant do that. Dr Ida will be the one who teaching the Real Time System. Please be nice ya Dr Ida. I love you so much. :)

And,

For undergrad's class, I managed to get 3 classes to teach. Kids, please be nice to Miss Teya okay. 

As stated, this is my plan for 2 years. Later after 2 years, I was hoping that I manage to graduate.. Amiin yarabbalamiin.. Ya Allah please ease my way towards the end. I can only seek help from you. Please made me strong. Please made me be focus. In shaa allah, I will prevail to you.

Yes you can do it! <3

#131

*HideousMonologue*


I try to care,
I try to lie,
I try to live,

I'd rather die.


;)

#129

*HideousMonologue*

Dear IT Support,

 Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the flower, gifts and jewellery applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, but installed undesirable programs such as Formula One 5.0, NBA 3.0 and World Cup 2.0. And now Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate Housewife <3

Reply:

Dear Desperate Housewife,

First keep in mind: Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try entering the command C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and download Tears 6.2 to install Guilt 3.0 If all works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Late Night Teh Tarik 6.1. Late Night 6.1 is a very bad program that will create SnoringLoudly. wav files. Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Tasty Food 3.0 and Tongkat Ali 6.9. Good Luck,

 IT Support

 P/s: To be shared with our IT Support team 😜

#126

*HideousMonologue*

**9 years back..

"Mcm mane lau family awk da tentukan someone untk awk. And someone tu yg awk knal?"

"Of course i'll say no. Kn sy syg awk sorg je"

"Tp dy ni anak kawan ayah awk. Mesti dy nk awk dgn anak kawan dy kn."

"Trust me. I will still choose you.."

**nowadays

"Mcm mane lau family awk da tentukan someone untk awk. And someone tu yg awk knal?"

"Sy ikut mane yg terbaik je."

Morale of the arguments, do not trust to those reverse psycho and provocation for certain peeps that such pain in the a**.

#125

*HideousMonologue*


SELAMAT HARI RAYA MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN DPD ATTEYA DAN FAMILY. :)

today is the final day that we need to prepare for the eidul fitri preparation. Those rice cakes, peanut gravy, beef rendang, ketupat palas, smbal sotong, lodeh, and last but not least, ayam masala. Perghh.. malaysian i ls malaysian when it comes to festival and foods. Well those food is kinda must have food on hari raya day for our family. Ayah requested to us all of that as he wants to eat them.

I was so damn tired today. My waist seems like to break into 2. This year i cooked all of them yes. Im the one cooked them. Hopefully its going to be edible.

All settle. And tonight we will iron all the clothes for tomorrow. And really, i feel like dying. Help me!

#124

*HideousMonologue*


Heard "My heart" by acha and irwanshah yesterday when i was in giant. So sudden, those memories came. Damn! Why must i? *sigh*

Well i forgot it all already. But still this song?? Really keep tonnes of memory inside it.

"If you love somebody could we be this strong. I will fight to win our love will conquer all"

S**t! 

Enough is enough!

No back out!

#123

*HideousMonologue*

Came across my mind. We have had our breaking fast together with arwah cukoi. He is one of the best mate ever. But, allah loves him more than us. He took cukoi from us. But i will remember each and everything that you have adviced me about being a relationship. Eventho he is your bestest friend, but you never mention bout him in front of me. U gave me some motivational words to keep moving on after highschool graduation. I remembered one day while we're in matriculation. U called me and warned me bout do not answer any phone calls from him. But i let you down by answering them and once again im so bloody stupid. You was mad at me, but at the end you just warn me and adviced me for do not letting my guard down. I hate to say that you are right koi. I did that again. Going into that suffer phase once again is damn so suffocate me. But still you are there for me. Without any fail everyday you are checking me out. You're the best buddy. Thanks a lot koi. May you rest with allah koi. We love u so much. Here koi, anum n me missing u so badly. We ate for you those pizza and BR that you like so much. Alfatihah..

#122

*HideousMonologue*

Xtaw nk refer kat sape. Insan ni je la yg ade dlm fikiran buat masa sekarang.

Ke nk mati ek??

#121

*HideousMonologue*


Settle all by today. Huhu may allah ease my next plan.

Iftar at dr rohaya's place today, and somehow or rather, i was pleased. She cooked many dishes and she tries to suits our tastebud. Thanks a lot dr. 

And lastly, today revealed everything. All those things that happened behind my back.
Thanks a lot. Know it all makes me know my place.

#120

*HideousMonologue*


First phase is passed already.
Will wait for another phase.
Hoping for being a better person.
Crave smile, and everything will be alright.
Chin up buttercup!

#119

*HideousMonologue*

Kau bagi aku jatuh, kau bagi aku rapuh. Dan secara tiba2 kau bagi aku rezeki di kala perancangan yang telah aku aturkan. Aku hanyalah perancang tulang belakang, dikau jua yg menentukan segalanya. Terima kasih x terhingga atas limpah kurnia yg telah kau lambakkan. Tapi in shaa allah, I will stick to the plan. Terima kasih Ya Rabb

#118

*HideousMonologue*

Hhhhhgggggggggggggggytyhghgyuhgygvvhhhhghghhhhhfbbljnbhjokhgihbbhhhhhhhhhhgfdfggtygjhģgyuhggyggghhğhgggggghkbvfddrrgvvhbvvvfffffcvvvgbbh. Cxgjfhvzaglhcfbvfhlhfffjgfhfhhghgufjguifudrugdsyudgjkffeuivtbybcgj. Hnggdtkurhfhkdhpfjdhsyshxkgkticf.jxje7dncltidjdyejfkghdfj.fjrirjcjdufi0ckfifkcfhdhdhjgfjfjfueudjfititjfjfur..

T_T

#117

*HideousMonologue*

I like being independent

Not so much of an investment

No one to tell me what to do

I like being by myself

Don’t gotta entertain anybody else

No one to answer to

But sometimes, I just want somebody to hold

Someone to give me their jacket when its cold

Got that young love even when we’re old

Yeah sometimes, I want someone to grab my hand

Pick me up, pull me close, be my man

I will love you till the end

So if you’re out there I swear to be good to you

But I’m done lookin’, for my future someone

Cause when the time is right

You’ll be here, but for now

Dear no one, this is your love song

I don’t really like big crowds

I tend to shut people out

I like my space, yeah

But I’d love to have a soul mate

God will give him to me someday

& I know it’ll be worth the wait

So if you’re out there I swear to be good to you

But I’m done lookin’, for my future someone

Cause when the time is right

You’ll be here, but for now

Dear no one, this is your love song

So if you’re out there I swear to be good to you

But I’m done lookin’, for my future someone

Cause when the time is right

You’ll be here, but for now

Dear no one, this is your love song

#116

*HideousMonologue*

I Can Feel you girl. But we're different. I'd rather lost someone I crushed rather than some good friend. :)

#115

*HideousMonologue*

The last batch of moving episode. Ya allah, please ease all happened to me. Let me face them with brave and without any doubt. May all is well.

#114

*HideousMonologue*

"Kau ni mmg choice MILTB kat luar sane. But unfortunately kau bukan choice anak dyorg. Mak ak da suke da ngan kau. Naseb bek ak ckp kite bff since hingus meleleh darjah 1"

Damn azrie! Haha. Bengong kau. Kau ckp ngan mak kau mcm tu? Haha. Ak da explain da kat mak kau. Ala. Mase kite darjah 1 kn mak kau ade skali mase fes day ko teresak2 nanges tu..haha

"Vongoks kau teya. Boleh x jgn ingatkn ak pasal sejarah silam ak dulu. Seram weyh. Haha tp siyes weyh. Lau ak x tunang ag. Ak da pilih kau da.. haha ;p"

Woi bongok! Haha. X ingin ak ngan kau. Kamon la. Kite kawan da 18 thun kowt. Xyah nk poyo sgt la. Amal dngar mau kecik ati dy. Kau jgn ngade2 ye. Kau tu da nk kawen.. haha

"Ak gurau2 je. Kau jgn amik ati plak ye.. "

Ak bukan kaki sentap mcm kau..haha

"Chess.. haha. 1 pesanan ak. Sbelum kau nk amik ati MILTB kau tu. Make sure la kau da capture ati si anak. Xde la MILTB kau je yg lebih2 syg kau. HAHA"

=.=!

What a wreck advice from my old buddy. Am i like that? Haha. Well i dont think so. So just wait and we will see what happened. We dont know what will happened in future right? And for u my buddy, selamat pengantin baru..:)

Xoxo

#113

*HideousMonologue*

Actually, I have no idea what to post. Tp mngenangkan this month xde post lg, so lets post something stupid..;p

"Your soulmate is not someone that comes into your life peacefully. It is who comes to you make question things, who changes your reality, somebody that marks a before & after in your life. It is not the human being everyone idealised, but an ordinary person, who manages to revolutionise your world in a second..."

Mesti pelik kan sbb post lately sme bnyk ke arah soulmate. Yela, umo da lanjut. Tp tanda2 nk move to the next phase mmg xde lgsung. Bukan xnk. Tp xde candidate yg sesuai la. Haish. Mane my Dr ni? Or my engineer?? Haha. Nk yg demand je. Awww snap! Tujuan post ini di buat adalah untuk menghurai kata2 madah puitis kat atas tu.

Soulmate dlm erti kata lain is ur other half la. Soulmate tu sendiri bukan la seorg yg sgt perfect. Sgt sempurna. Dy adalah insan yg mana kite rasa kite boleh ngam dgn dy. Xde cover2. No hypocrite at all. Kdg2 even boleh korek idung n garu bontot depan dy **errr, ini x snonoh** yes. Smthing yg dy accept us as what we r. Accept our family seadanya.

Wait!!!! Nk g berak jap..krikk..krikk..krikk..

Im back.. hahah.. *maaf diatas kesengalan*

Well, i xtaw la whether nk percaya or x pasal soulmate ni kn. Sbb inexperience kan. Kalau de experience, boleh la berjela2 i type kat sini..;p

For now, i really dont know who might be my soulmate. But if you're out there, please and please and please ye. Jgn pgg2 tgn girlfriend awk tu. Sbb sy pon x pnh pgg tgn lelaki lain except for my daddy, brothers or budak2 yg blom mumaiyiz.. haha.. Sila jaga diri awak ye bakal soulmate sy. Kalau awk g keje naik motor, hati2 kat highway. Dont forget raincoat. Nnt ujan xde la laptop awk basah kna ujan. Kalau la awk g keje naik kete, xyah la nk drift sgt ye. Kang x smpat sy nk jmpa awk.. eh, lau x smpat jmpa means awk bukan la soulmate sy kn??;p kalau awk jalan kaki en soulmate, sila la gune jejantas, laluan pejalan kaki, n tekan traffic light untuk pedestrian. Sbb driver skg ni majority reckless *including me..;p* and if u naik tren, hati2 ye, xyah nk gesel2 ngan girl lain kat dlm tren tu. Sy ni kuat jeles taw..hahaa

Ape ko merepek ni teya???? Haha. Remember that my dear soulmate. Whoever n wherever u r, plz take care of urself. I'll b waiting for u..:)

Truly,

Your girl.. :)

#112

*HideousMonologue*


Be Friends With Failure~

credit: doodlealley.com

#111

*HideousMonologue*

I'm just wondering. 

Does everyone felt the same way I felt?
The suffocate environment that nearly choked me to death.
Does you?"

Damn melodrama much! Stop it atteya. Hidup ni x selalu seronok and indah. So dont expect more than what you deserve in your life.

Ouh pnatnye hidup mcm ni. Awww snap! Erlow, kau baru keje x smpai sthun. So xyah nk over mcm da 5 thun kau membanting tulang, memerah keringat. *pesan kat diri sendiri ni. Nk trase? Dipersilakan*

X keje, acane nk bagi ayahanda bonda terchenta? Bayar nafsu makan kau yg besar tu? Nafsu baby p kau yg besar temboloknye tu. Nafsu baju kau, nafsu kasut ko, nafsu gadget ko and nafsu beg kau tu? *well, perempuan ade 9 nafsu k. Dont blame us tho! 

Ade x soulbrother kat luar sane nk adopt i jadik bini and bayar gaji i bulan2 mcm skang?? Nk bayar up lg pon dipersilakan Haha *berangan much* yg pentikng awk x isap rokok ye soulbrother *xnk la u mati cpat. Nnt i jadi janda plak. Nauzubillahiminzalik*

Solat pon ckup. *boleh le rotan i yg kekdang liat bangun subuh ni* 

Terima la i yg gumuks dan x cantik ni *well, beauties dont last forever. Lame2 kua gak wrinkles kn..up diri sgt* 

Dpt terima la my family yg mcm haywire and havoc ni.. *we're the hyperact.....ive family* hahah

Thats all i'm asking. *Thats all??? Punye banyk u request u ckp thats all? Punkoq ang la bak kata ibu.." 

Haha. So this is what i want to carot2 today. I was wondering. Kn best lau i can carut in my writing just like i did just now.. sigh..sigh..

Well, thats all dor tonight. Just need my beauty sleep for tonight. Buenos noches my soulbrother cum my soulmate no matter where you are right now~ ♡ u.  Haha

#110

*HideousMonologue*

The Heartsmith~ T_T

Credit to Miyuli.

#109

*HideousMonologue*

Takkanku biarkan walau ribut 

Menyentakmu yang tidur...

Datang petir menyambar

Jengking dan ular...

Bonda takkan berundur

Nyamanlah Arjuna beta

Mimpikan yang indah saja...

Nanti bila kau buka mata

Semua tak serupa...

Kan ada satu ketika... 

Kau tak tahu mana nak pergi

Jalan betul anakanda

Tak jelas mata...

Ambil yang sarat duri

Hiduplah Arjuna beta

Biarkan jasad yang luka

Selama Tuhan mu ada...

Takkan engkau tercela

Ngeri tak terbayang mata

Bonda takkan ada sentiasa

Nanti moga kau tak lupa...

Bonda memujukmu anakanda

Hiduplah Arjuna beta...

Biarkan jasad yang luka

Selama tuhanmu ada...

Takkan engkau tercela

Nyamanlah Arjuna beta...

Mimpikan yang indah saja

Nanti bila kau buka mata

Semua tak serupa...

p/s: menitik tangisan setitik demi setitik... Fynn Jamal